New years don't always have to be new starts

A year ago, today, I was baptized in confetti, surrounded by a million other like-minded crazy people willing to stand for 12 hours in a pen with no food, drink, or potty breaks to count down the Ball Drop in Times Square. 

The year prior to that day had been a rough one, and I was anxious to close it tight and start over. Actually, multiple years prior had each been rough, and every New Year's Eve presented the strong desire to start anew with the idea that "maybe this year would finally be the year!" I'd look back on the concluding year with sadness of unrealized dreams. Dreams of a child, or of a pregnancy, or of a healed marriage. 

When midnight rolled around, nonchalantly tick-tocking the transition from one year to the next, I'd tearfully lament the the previous year's disappointments. After 12 months of desperately clinging to hopes the year once held, I'd reluctantly lay them down and rush toward the future with renewed resolve to keep the faith, relishing the opportunity to escape the heartache of the previous year and start over with a clean slate, unblemished with pain.

This year, however, has turned out to be a really good one. I deliberately kicked it off in New York City, the best way I could possibly imagine, because I was determined to not have another disappointing year filled with heartbreak that I couldn't control. I maintained that conviction throughout the months that followed, and I've intentionally pursued growth and healing in every aspect of my life. I actively strove to become more independently healthy. And ya know what? I feel really positive about the progress and accomplishments I was able to achieve within the calendar's time span.

For the first time in about as long as I can remember, I'm closing out a year with satisfaction rather than frustration. I'm not anxious to escape the past as I run headlong into the future of hopes and dreams. I can look back on 2015 with pride and happily wrap a final bow on this year of discovering fuller potential of who I can be. I'm feeling the drastic difference between a fond farewell to times gone by and a good riddance to resented circumstances and experiences.

The year that began in Times Square has certainly not been an easy one. I have endured multiple growing pains while adjusting to a new, independent life post-marriage. But it's all been productive, beneficial, hard-fought, and earned with integrity. None of it has been a waste of time.

In 2016, I'm not searching for a fresh beginning to start all over from scratch. I worked hard for this progress, and I'm not keen to wipe the foundation away. Instead, I'm pleased to simply maintain and develop further what I've already been doing over the past several months. For the first time, I'm proud to claim the stories I acquired in 2015, rather than erase them and start over. I'm confidently walking into a new year with a lot of experience, knowledge, and capability in tow.

I don't feel the need to utilize a "do over." For once, I'm looking forward to finally appreciating a "keep going like you're doing."

That's a pretty nice feeling.